You may have heard me talk about a guy I call 'D' well he's kinda the one who 'discovered' me I guess you could say. He found me early on as a bassist and I've traveled through all my music so far with him. At the end of the year I have to say goodbye to him, Words cannot explain the pain. He used to care so much, and after today, I just feel as if he doesn't care anymore at all. We have a production coming up and so we had a dress rehersal today. Everything was fine until we rehersed. And now I don't wanna do music anymore.

Recently someone close just passed away. She was very sick and began to get weaker and weaker as days passed. I wasn't that close to her personaly but I have memories of visiting her and her husband (who passed away last year) as a little child. It hasn't really effected me much up until now but the fact that I'll be spending time in yet another funeral home puts a damper on things.

I'm also beginning to remember things about my childhood that I'd rather just forget and leave dead. I found a toy I used to take every time I went to hospital. Once upon a time Starship Hospital was like my second home. I remember always being there, always having doctors poking arround at me. And the gas mask before the opperation.

I'm getting anxiac about stuff again and I just can't seem to be happy. Even as much as I force myself to I can't. I know that one day I will be, but right now... I'd rather just disappear and never come back.

And I just found out that Dave has left False Start.
Right now I wish everything would just stop. I wish the world could just stop spinning and that I could catch up. But it won't. And I won't. And I'll survive. But will I?

Rescue me.

And what I'm gonna do, is post a photo every day in December describing either the day, or feelings or whatever, but first I want you to tell me what you think of the idea...?

There'll be some pretty personal stuff that I'm willing to share in it, some other shit and some other shit lol. So yes? Or nah?
Idk... I wanna do it cos I think it's gonna help... but yeah...

Oh and while I'm here, from the first of December I am going to return to buzznet completly and start commenting people's stuff again and leaving proper notes that arn't just 'sup' 'hi how are you' because I'm sick of feeling selfish... lolol.
And although I say that December is a busy month so I'll do as much as I can :)

oh and congrats to Gerard and Lindsey!

I live for my bass and seeing my band mates and friends every day. I really love art especially sketching and painting. Photography and poetry are two of my favorite things ever. Best part of life is playing music. Worst part of life is probably grocery shopping.

I like winter, definitely not a fan of melting in the summer heat but BBQ’s are always good. I love parties’ especially random parties thrown for no reason. Going to gigs and concerts is more of a hobby to me.

‘Emo.’ ‘Scene.’ Call me what you like, I’m not gonna change. Stereotyping is pathetic. Let people be who they are.

Homophobia is gay and pointless. Let people love who they want too.

I laugh A LOT and crack jokes about everything.

I love following people if they know what they’re doing, if they don’t I’ll give up or join some other cause.

You’ll most likely find me in front of the computer or taking photos if I’m not drawing, writing poetry or in a band practice.

Best thing that has ever happened to me was meeting Mr. Merrill and Mrs. Chan, I think they are two of the most amazing people in the whole world and they both inspire me so much.

Worst thing to ever happen to me was probably when I cried because couldn’t be at an orchestra festival cos I was at Mt Ruapehu on a camp.

I was always the different one. Singled out from everyone else. Don’t ask why, I have no idea.

Don’t try to change me, you will fail.

Air guitaring is probably the coolest thing to have ever appealed to me.

Personally I recon there should be more happy tiny teddies in the box over grumpy ones. It’d make the world a happier place.

I think the Sims is the best computer game ever. Reason I love it is because I can make people have as fucked up lives as my own! Aha!

I’m more of an indoors person, sport isn’t that appealing to me but outside music festivals are always good!

Swearing… it runs in the family.

I spend a lot of time listening to music and getting into new bands especially NZ bands. Best live bands I’ve seen are defo the Smashing Pumpkins, My Chemical Romance, Queens of the Stone Age, False Start and Addison.

You will most likely find me drinking red bull over anything else and don’t bother calling my home in the weekend… I won’t be there!

I’d really love to go to New York or Tokyo but my new fascination is London. I would love to go on a bender in London it’d be cool as. Come party, bring fun.

Peace and love

KTF. –Keep The Faith.       

.Ashleigh Lauren.

I told you we’d be good tonight,

In her favor, it’s alright,

Go home to her; she’ll need you tonight,

Judging, I don’t know what happened,

Tell me I’d love to know her flaws,

You call me from across the hall,

Don’t see me listening in,

You told me that they laughed at us,

I looked at them, a lack of trust,

Energy yes I know I must,

But stay forever, not just lust,

I look at you, you look at me,

We know that we were meant to be,

And all those ups and all those downs,

This family now that we have found,

All of those mistakes we made,

Our songs that sound it will not fade,

All those glowing lights they shine so bright,

Just like this star on your best nights,

So now its home, to her I suppose,

Just go, don’t wait, results will come,

She’ll be asleep when I have won,

And so I’ll have my way with you,

You know I will, no love, no truth,

And I’ll be bitter,

I don’t care,

You’ll still be there cos you can’t leave me,

I know you can’t, but don’t know why,

So go home now,

I dare you too.

<3 this poem =)

1st, it's about... rock'n'roll. and how women are treated.

i guess it's my way of saying i'll be bitter about that stuff and alot of other things.

2nd, it's about being in a band. it's about being in a band and feeling the force of being able to express yourself infront of them.

3rd, it's actually about something very real happening to me right now. every single line in this is a description of a few people's lives and how they are effecting mine right now.

4th, it's about the battle of the bands comp i recently played at. actually... every single line in this poem is also about that night. even...  'Don’t see me listening in' cos i was ears dropping. and...   'I look at you, you look at me,

We know that we were meant to be,' when i looked at our singer Tayne. To me it's a description of things happening in the world right now. And i guess the bottom line is that they all have a simple resolution.

Now... will someone do me a favour and tell me that I'm not going crazy and that the guitar parts are actually fucking similar... even the change in it 20 seconds in on Beware Of The Dog and 40 seconds is on Personal Jesus. AND how he sais "reach out and touch faith" and she goes "reach out and touch me" it's insane, seriously... they sound so fucking alike.

Personal Jesus - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JFyIaybXbU
Beware Of The Dog - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnxQDrdIV2Q

p.s personal jesus is defo my fave manson song too.

Too Much Poison Come Undone

Fucked up and wealthy to impress,

I never knew this was my best,

And all that changes on inside,

Is what I see not what I find,

When there’s nothing else to do,

With her, him, me, and you.

Smudging make-up in the mirror,

On the pillow, on the floor,

Standing, sitting, screaming shouting,

Your voice is pretty,

You want more,

And when there’s nothing left to do,

Always be me, no longer you.

Shake a weapon to her head,

No need to kill,

She’s already dead,

The dancers prance,

The singer’s movements,

Hide a kiss,

Steal the mood.

When there’s no one else to choose.

They’ll be me and they’ll be you.

Fires blazing,

Lights blow out,

Half way done put me in the mood,

I cannot find the thoughts that moved,

And when I leave don’t tell me sorry,

Don’t kiss my head don’t make me worry,

One more time, come as you do,

Come for me, not just for you.

Come undone you’ll find me weeping across the floor,

Sings, I’m in the room.

Singing songs are for the dead,

Put more bad thoughts into my head.

One more day I wish were 2.

Then no more me…

And no more you.