Insidexsuicide's Journals

new stuff from Kids of 88!

Exciting exciting!
Kids of 88 have uploaded 3 hot new tracks to the MySpace!

Cotton Mouth
Ribbons of Light
and Sugarpills, which should be due for release sooooooon I hope!

Head over HERE and check them out!

Go on. You know you want too.
You'll love it!

I am back!

Yes!
I have returned!
I've haven't been on buzznet in so long but I can't say I haven't missed it. It still feels like freedom and it still feels like home, especially with all you My Chem fans on here! :)
So I'm coming back because life is missing something and I'm almost convinced that it's this place.
So leave me some comment love if you wish and lets be friends all over again!
Xx (:

This is my blog about society

So over the past couple of months, there have been a lot of happenings around me. In my country, community and even at my school. I've had to think seriously about a lot of things and I've definitely come to appreciate what I have a lot more.

But I've also come to realize that most of the issues and conflicts today aren't about what they used to be. It's not... who cheated in the 100m sprint or who took more cheese than they were allowed in cooking class. In fact; it's not even the price of petrol or the slowly rising price of food anymore either.

What it is about though; is the way your hair is cut and colored, the type of jeans you're wearing, what genre of music you listen too and the color of your skin. It's about attention and who your friends are. It's about religion, race and sexuality. And it's disgusting.

This is what society is. But still; all everyone with some 'authority' can talk about is how the world is in a recession. Forget trying to solve global warming and stop terrorist attacks for a moment... and look at what's really going wrong that CAN be solved just by changing the way you look at a few things in the world.

It's time people realized that everyone is different and there's no right to judge on that. The world can't be about protecting your image and reputation anymore because there are so many people getting hurt. Kids are fighting in school to the point where some are afraid to set foot in the front gate. Kids and even adults in society are getting picked on and bullied because of what they look like, the type of music they listen to or because they like the same gender etc etc...

Personally I have tried so hard not to let things like this go to my head simply because I know I can't exactly do anything to fix it by myself; but yesterday this (http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=19727681&blogId=483364511) was brought to my attention by False Start and it pretty much threw me over the edge.

To see kids' getting picked on like that is disgraceful and to think that it's happening in my country and even in my school at a mild rate is even worse. I know how it is because I go to high school and I see it every day... as I'm sure a lot of your reading this do too. I've been picked on because of the way my hair is cut and the clothes I wear and I'm also sure you or someone you know has been too. It's nothing to glamorize or put out there to say is cool, but it is something to make a statement and a stand against.

See you'd like to think and say that you can't just shit on people because they're different... but in fact you can. As wrong as it is; you can. And it sucks that no one does anything about it. Police, school principals and prefects; do they try to solve things such as racism or kids getting picked on because they look 'emo'? No, because it's passed off as 'another school yard fight' when in fact it's something very serious that needs to be delt with.

And it's not just in school either, I see kids in town getting hassled or laughed at by another bunch just because they're wearing a mini skirt with ripped stockings and a band shirt. They're getting hassled because they don't look the same. Stereotyping is a big issue in school, in the community and in fact almost everywhere you go. But it's coming to a point where the bullying and the stereotyping aren't the big issue anymore; the real problem is that no one's doing anything to stop it.

Spare A Dagger to Slash This Beauty

^{_{There are no limits for the dead, I could bleed you dry and leave you in the cemetery tonight and still wander where I please.}}

^{_{And at the faint touch of your hand, I know your skin is deadly.}}

^{_{As I march you through the grave yard the roads all look the same.}}

^{_{And the full moon is the only light we see; I could spare a dagger to slash this beauty but I think your hearts more worth the while.}}

^{_{I've been waiting for this night to come, to spare my soul through darkness and into the light I'll fade deep down where my spirit lays.}}

^{_{So I turn to ask, "How would you feel if I killed you here?"}}

^{_{You shiver and smile because you know your blood is screaming to reach a flowing end and they think it's all a lie.}}

^{_{Banshee tells you it's at an end, but I don't think you'll ever understand that she's a lie.}}

^{_{It's a cynical fascination with an epic fight to take back what is yours. But I know you will not win.}}

^{_{Don't open your eyes tonight or you'll feel it all. A pain even the dead can't erase.}}

^{_{We walk amongst this dying city like a cult with our sights set to kill and I don't know if you could let this go.}}

^{_{But just remember...}}

^{_{There are no limits for the dead; or for those who know it's over.}}

HELP! before I end up killing someone...

So I wouldnâ�™t normally blog about this but as humans sometimes we just canâ�™t seem to solve our own problems and we just need a little push in the right direction. Now, for me, is one of those times.

I canâ�™t say Iâ�™m exactly thrilled with my position in life right now; itâ�™s a bit tough but my biggest problem seems to be about a friend. Though Iâ�™m not really sure I can even call him that anymore.

Last year I had a band, it wasnâ�™t my choice to assign another guitarist, but it just kinda ended up happening (thatâ�™s a bit of a long story) but the bottom line is, that I was hesitant to getting to know him. After a while I gave in and he turned out to be a pretty decent person. Later in the year we became better friendsâ�¦ as you do with your band mates, and so I ended up telling him a few things about my childhood. Nothing extremely special but itâ�™s kinda important to me, anyway, all I wanted was for someone to listen, but he has to go off asking more questions and making accusations. Trying to 'help me' solve my problems. But they wern't problems and I told him many times I didn't want to solve them, though he just simply didn't stop it was so frustrating! By the very end of the year myself, him and our friend Sam were working on a small side project together, I was still kinda pissy with him but we seemed to have gotten through ok. I ended up snapping at him while we were setting up the stage but he didnâ�™t take it to heart so I just left it seeing as it was the end of the year.

Around Christmas he ends up getting in a tizz with our friend Sam and decides to drag me into it. Immediately I try to decline all offers inviting me into the situation, it was none of my business what happened between them and I canâ�™t exactly blame Sam for yelling at him. So he decides to pull me in anyway, asking for advice on what to do to Sam or asking ME to txt HER and tell her that she had done wrong! I didnâ�™t; it wasnâ�™t my place to say anything.

Later he and Sam ended up repairing their friendship somehow.

So just the other day he and I were txting each other and we came to the conclusion to just put all our previous shit behind us, heâ�™d stop being an asshole and Iâ�™d stop being a bitch. We begin to make plans to start a new band together but then the very next day (while discussing the band) he sais â�œPlease not Dilanâ� â�“referring to another guitarist. (Dilan is one of my friends, heâ�™s a good mate) So I said no we donâ�™t need to ask Dilan we can get someone else, I would have been fine if heâ�™d left it there; but then he has to go on sayingâ�¦ â�œPlease just forget Dilan that retard. Sorry, I have a major thing for gay dickheads.â�

Pretty immature if I might say so myself. Soâ�¦ Dilan being a friend of mine, I defend him saying, â�œDilan is not a dickhead. Heâ�™s my friend.â�

He then goes on to sayâ�¦ â�œFine fineâ�¦ heâ�™s not a dickhead but he is gay ok. But it is normal for gay people to act that way so I shouldnâ�™t be so hard on him I guess.â�

So THAT threw me over the edge. For a fact, Dilan is actually not gay (just so you know) and heâ�™s a really nice person so for him to say that, it was pretty out of line I think.

Since then Iâ�™ve kinda tried to forget about it, put it in the back of my mind but Iâ�™m getting to the point where Iâ�™m thinking a new band with him might be a really, really bad idea. We canâ�™t seem to agree or get along and I donâ�™t want that for the 2^nd year in a row.

What should I do? Have I given him too many chances now or should I give the band a shot and see how it goes? I do not want to ruin anything this year, this year I donâ�™t want to take chances with things, Iâ�™m not betting on anything until itâ�™s in concrete and I have no idea how far Iâ�™m going to get with a band or even friendship with him.

Help??

Reflection of a Bassist: ...have you ever fallen? but not like an angel

No one ever explained the world to me. And now I think I know why.

I still cant figure out whether the person on the inside of me is who I appear to be. And right now, I dont know if its possible to find the answers. I have so many questions for life.

Where an I going?

What will my profession be? If I have one.

Will I ever get to travel and who with?

Will I always be alone?

When will I die?

Whats the hardest thing that will happen in this lifetime?

Who am I?

So I sit here waiting, as if something exciting is going to happen. But its not. Because nothing exciting is happening to me at the moment. Life is dull and boring and to make it worse theres nothing to look forward to either. When life gets like this it means something shit is on its way. And I have no idea what it is. All I know is that I dont know who I am anymore.

This is about me finding myself.

Problem: Ive lost myself.

The worst thing: I cant remember.

Best thing: Im ok.

i will NEVER fucking EVER be like you!

Everything I say, or try to say, seems to have always come from someone else. Why can you not hear me for who I am!? I have ALWAYS been looked upon as something or someone else and in future I know that I always will be. You were never happy with me. I was and am always doing something wrong. Can I not just be right for once, or if I changed my likings to something else would they not be right either? Donâ�™t be surprised.

You know I was always different, and I know that it was always a problem.

I tried, I tried to make you like me, I changed to make you like me and Iâ�™m still the outsider of this family. What more can I do? For I am not changing for YOU any more. Never ever again will I make that stupid mistake.

I am who I am, do you have the will to intercept that any more than you already have? Because I tell you, I have the will to intercept between life and death. Donâ�™t try it.

I will NEVER be one of you. And I never want to be.

just some uh, thoughts i need to get out.... yeah....

Know We Miss Her, We Miss Her Picture...

It's all right,
Everything's gonna be alright.
And I wish that you were here.

to you all.... yes you

thank you every single person I have met/added/talked to or whatever this year. And thanks to you all for being such great friends, just thought I'd post a journal to say thank you. It hasn't been the easiest year ever but I can definitly say I have some of the most supportive friends in the whole world, those I have met and those I haven't.
Oh and special thanks to SKATD- best band I've ever been in. Love you guys so much. And to James our biggest fan :)
Love to you all.
Have a good New Years!
See you in 2009. Bring fun!

Ashleigh Lauren xox
-now go listen to OpShop! hehe.

Vote for With Hope! - agh read it! Important!

Seriously.... vote here --> http://websites.parachutemusic.com/festival/2009/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=263&Itemid=30

Um, for With Hope to open on the Parachute main stage. Pleeeaaaase vote for them! (or Simple Day, simple day are cool too.)